'dont wanna play anymore'

NP lost to NYP..
i wasnt sad, sian, or pitied for the team..
i feel nth.. cos i din play.. win or loss doesn't matter to me..
after the debrief.. i saw some unhappy faces.. yeah.. i doze off when laoheng was speaking..

been 2nd consecutive matches i sat out for the whole game..
i got no mood to play basketball for NGEE ANN.. yes.. NGEE ANN..
i duno why now..
maybe im not a good player.. i dun deserve the any minutes on court..

at first before the start of the first game against sp.. my confidence was veri high.. the most confident in my three yrs in ngee ann.. i 'knew' i got minutes to play against sp..
but why am i so confident im going to play.. alot my frens said i had improve as a player.. even laoheng oso told me that everytime i got the ball, get into the paint and attack the basket.. he highlighted to me my good points as a basketball player cos he knoe i can score points from there.. and he told me how i score many points before i was out against tp 2 yrs back..
and tat is why i think i will play against sp..
but now i dunno why he's rotating the few usual players even though they were not at their best. no offence to the usual players but i really think other players can be at their best against diff oponents rite?

now im lost of confidence.. i dunno how to get it back..
i told myself against nyp i will be playing but again i was left out..
the motivation and confidence had lost..
i remembered how pp players coaches tell me tat be ready for any matches even though u not playing.. yea.. even though im ready, i do not have the confidence anymore..

now i know how my players feel in the game of Football Manager.. getting left out by me..

now deciding whether to go down rp on monday not...